Let’s be honest, checking in with a mate about mental health can feel a bit awkward. You might worry about saying the wrong thing or making things weird. But here’s the truth: you don’t need to be an expert to be a good friend. Just showing up and being there can actually mean everything.
At I Am Hope, we’ve seen how a simple, honest kōrero can make a huge difference. Whether it's over a walk, a message, or a Macca’s run, just asking “How are you really doing?” can get a mate talking about stuff they’ve been holding in..
Here are five practical ways to help a mate feel safe and supported when talking about their mental health.
1. Pick the right moment
You don’t need to sit someone down for a deep and meaningful under a spotlight. Often the best chats happen when you’re doing something chill, like hanging out at the park, relaxing after playing sports, or gaming together.
Side-by-side convos are way less pressure than face-to-face. So don’t force it. Just look for a relaxed moment when you’ve got a bit of time and space.
2. Keep it casual and real
You don’t have to come in with some big serious speech. Start with something easy and genuine:
- “You’ve seemed a bit off lately, how’s things?”
- “How’s your week been, really?”
- “What’s been on your mind?”
If they brush it off with an “I’m fine” but you feel like they’re not, that’s okay. You can gently let them know you’re here without pushing:
- “All good, just wanted to check in.”
- “No stress, but if you ever wanna talk, I’m around.”
3. Listen more than you talk
This one’s simple, but underrated... be a good listener. You don’t need to jump in with advice or try to fix everything. Let them talk. Let them feel heard.
Even just nodding and saying:
- “That sounds tough. I’m glad you told me.”
- “I’m here, bro. Thanks for being honest with me.”
...shows you’ve got their back. That’s what matters most and can make a massive difference.
4. Don’t expect magic right away
Not every convo will be deep. And that’s fine. What you’re doing is planting a seed. You’re letting them know someone cares and is paying attention. That seed might grow later, when they’re ready.
So keep checking in. Send a text. Catch up again next week. Being consistent shows them they can trust you with the hard stuff, when the time’s right.
5. Know where to point them for support
If your mate needs more than a chat, or if you’re feeling out of your depth, it’s totally okay to suggest extra support. And offer to help them reach out, and to go with them.
- Let them know about Gumboot Friday. It offers free, fast counselling for anyone in Aotearoa aged 5 to 25. No waiting lists.
- They can also free-call or text 1737 any time to talk with a trained counsellor.
Even just knowing where to go next can make things feel more manageable.
You’re not expected to have all the answers
What matters most is that your mate knows you give a damn. You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need to fix them. You just need to care and be willing to listen.
So check in. Ask twice. Stick around. That’s how we break the silence and make it okay to talk about mental health.
Kia kaha, look after each other, and remember... hope is just a conversation away.
